I remember 9/11; we had 'Comics Come Home' about a month after those events. That night, even the comedians were concerned. Would the audience be ready to laugh? It was a release for everyone.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

It is not that men become too intelligent for God, ' says the Apologist, 'but rather they become too arrogant for intelligence.

Since when has grafts, bribes to get your children into the higher institution become a Nigerian thing?

I hear the singing of the lives of women. The clear mystery the offering the pride.

Before you beat a child, be sure yourself are not the cause of the offense.

There is zero chaos, we are running - this is a fine-tuned machine. And Reince [Priebus] is doing a good job but half his job is putting out lies by the press.

By all evidence we are in the world to do nothing; but instead of nonchalantly promenading our own corruption, we exude our sweat and grow winded upon the fetid air.

Merely quantitative differences, beyond a certain point, pass into qualitative changes.

You must fight others, but through peace, and through dialogue, and through education.

A good role comes along, and a good role is a good role.

And not a single mark on the Lamborghini. Ha! Eat steel, you soul-sucking bastards! (Kyrian)