I remember once having to stop performing when I thought an elderly man a few rows back from the front was actually going to die because he was laughing so hard.

I'm waiting for the time when I fail - because we all fail - and I'm ready, I'll take up carpentry.

We had so much fun in Ghana and they are really lovely people.

Performers like Tommy Cooper, who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.

We only have one agenda, which is to make 'em laugh their pants off. Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look.

You're entering dangerous land when you start theorising about comedy.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

Most modern comedy is crap.

I jump for joy every day. My body pulses with joy, and my vibration soars. I feel amazing.

Creatives Creed: Destruction is creation. Creation is destruction.

The world is independent of my will.

I think that Subway has shown their own personal commitment as a company and how they believe in healthy choices.

We see this as a test of their ability to face reality.

Power gives no purchase to the hand, it will not hold, soon perishes, and greatness goes.

You did something noble. This will cause a release of energy. It causes a vibratory shift. It means you are moving into a different plateau of consciousness.

I am the type of artist where you can't tell me anything. I have always been that way. I am right. I don't need any input.

How horrible, fantastic, incredible, it is that we should be digging trenches and trying on gas-masks here because of a quarrel in a faraway country between people of whom we know nothing.

Once again our cricketers have flattered to deceive in Australia.