I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

He who would know the world must first manufacture it.

Writing about women's sexuality is very scary for me because I'm always afraid I'll get it wrong.

As it turns out, we don't "all" have to pay our debts. Only some of us do.

By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.

Sometimes I definitely shut people out. I can be that sort of girlfriend who crosses her arms, shakes her head and says, "Nope, I'm not telling you what's wrong. I'm fine."

Every single child should have the chance to live up to his or her God-given potential.

I just think if the song's good, sing it. I don't care who's doing it. I don't care if it's a country act. I don't care if it's a rock act. If the song's good, sing it.

I love the competitive part of stocks. A lot of fear and greed, that's all it is. All I see is green and red.

When you understand someone... truly understand someone... you can't help but love them. Therefore... anyone in your life... ANYONE... who you feel less than love for... you have misunderstood.

My friends and family definitely helped me with the biggest obstacle in my life, which was just staying in L.A. long enough to really give it a shot.