I remember when Victoria Wood started to come through, and I thought she was great, though she and I are very different in our approach.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

All Nature wears one universal grin.

If you feel so emptySo used up, so let downIf you feel so angrySo ripped off so stepped onYou're not the only oneRefusing to back downYou're not the only oneSo get up

The Book of Psalms is the Bible’s hymnbook. It will show you what it means to walk with God in prayer and praise.

So, my sweet, did it put the fun into funeral?

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.

In Fellowship; alone To God, with Faith, draw near, Approach His Courts, besiege His Throne With all the power of Prayer.

As an old soldier, I admit the cowardice: it's as universal as seasickness, and matters just as little.

Asking the author of historical novels to teach you about history is like expecting the composer of a melody to provide answers about radio transmission.

The really important people in TV are not the directors; they're the writers.

When I sit down to write a song, it's a kind of improvisation, but I formalize it a bit to get it into the studio, and when I step up to a microphone, I have a vague idea of what I'm about to do.