I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I don't watch reality TV, my reality is tough enough.

And what will bow your shoulders downwill be the vicious and worthless company with whom you will fall into this abyss.

Fear, is a horrible place to live in, and much worse die in.

…mysticism –perhaps the main aberration of the human mind.

So often, happiness is the extent to which we balance our grandiose expectations with reality.

The minute he spoke Spanish, I said, "I'm home."

All things flow, nothing abides.

I'm a stage actor. That is what I do.

The recklessness with which we sacrifice our sense of decency to maximize profit in the factory farming process sets a pattern for cruelty to our own kind.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream.