I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Monogamous musicians are like vegan hockey players.

Nobody these days holds the written word in such high esteem as police states do.

Attitude is an accurate monitor of where we fall on the spectrum of pride and humility.

All the stuff our fathers took for granted as long as you worked hard, the great safety net and the fair wage and the gold watch at the end of it all? That's all gone around here, my friend.

We didn’t raise any of you to walk a path other than your own.The Far West (Frontier Magic Book 3).

Don't try to be useful. Try to be yourself: that is enough & that makes all the difference.

Some things just can't be described. And stepping onto the moon was one of them.

... you just can't differentiate between a robot and the very best of humans.

Grim sighed heavily. "I swear I'm getting a migraine." "My mom suffers from those a lot, too." "Being around you, I imagine she does.

Achievers rarely, if ever, see a problem as permanent,while those who fail see even the smallest problems as permanent