I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

For who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for a single moment's human suffering

My nipples could cut glass.

any criticism heard secondhand sounds worse than it would face to face. Words spoken out of our presence strike us as more powerful, just as people we know only by reputation seem larger than life.

... scarred by wisdom she'd never asked for.

Preparation for defense is an inalienable prerogative of a sovereign state.

This is how memories are; what seems so clear and unforgettable at one moment vanishes like steam the next.

It is not enough to give orders they must be obeyed.

Be relentless in pursuing your happiness.

From 1991 till the present, Iraq sovereignty has been trampled by the United States.

In the end, today is forever, yesterday is still today, and tomorrow is already today.