I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair but he says he's charging me for finding it.

I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after.

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.

I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.

My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.

Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.

I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.

I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.

You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. And that's why I put Don in several of my movies.

I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.

Fortunately my wife is understanding. When I come home from the races she never asks any questions, if I tell her I just ate a $380 hot dog.

Sometimes I defy flower anatomy & other times I try and replicate it intricately!

Being judgmental and condemning is not one of the gifts of the Spirit.

It's the Twentieth Century ... no more miracles.

Divorce is a journey that the children involved do not ask to take. They are forced along for a ride where the results are dictated by the road their parents decide to travel.

I have a studio in a barn at home - we rehearse there, we film there and we record there. It's fun to hang out with my guys and see what comes out next.

For me personally, I love art and artists of all mediums and we've seen madness is more often than not present in the greatest painters, poets, writers, and songwriters in history.

After you're finished celebrating your 60th birthday, feel free to stop supporting your children, and start supporting your parents!

If ancient descent could confer nobility, the lower forms of life would possess it in a greater degree than man.

Kids deserve the right to think that they can change the world.

I think the less fracking there is, the better it is for the economy and society.