I resent when I go out to dinner and they try to sell me the healthy food for the same price as the good food.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Small dreams will not take you to the moon. So think big and start dreaming big soon.

Countries, states, cities, corporations and laws are all words on paper.

Disagreement is something normal.

Geometry is the most complete science.

Do you know because I tell you so, or do you know, do you know.

A woman who looks like a girl and thinks like a man is the best sort, the most enjoyable to be and the most pleasurable to have and to hold.

To understand Mozart's contradictory qualities would indeed be to understand genius.

Caves and darkness can't hold you when you die, they can only hold your bones.

What about a hoverboard?" "It's waiting on the roof, of course." Dr. Cable snorted. "What is it about you miscreants and those things?

Whoever hath a seed time of grace pass over his soul, shall have his harvest time also of joy.