I respect your right to hold your religious beliefs, and if they help you, I think that's great. I would, however, like to inform you that you are a raving kook.

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.

Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.

If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.

Dear God, I understand that if I fail to believe in you, I'll burn in hell for eternity. Thanks for being such a good sport about it.

Your pet is not your friend. It is your hostage.

You have sexual tendencies that are not normal, and you should be ashamed of them.

That special bond you think you have with your pet is imaginary. As long as it has food and water, you could get hit by a train tomorrow, and your pet wouldn't think anything of it.

I wasn't like a Hollywood child actor - "I'm five! I can sing, I can dance, I can act! I wanna be a star!"

I don't want to change. I haven't done it before, I won't do it now.

Habit: A shackle for the free.

Deep Throat did serve the public interest by providing the guidance and information to us.

Happy people attract other happy people. Show the world your smile, and the world will smile back.

Were not one thing, as human beings, so any character that is written uni-dimensional, thats just a shallow character with shallow writing and shallow acting.

Love yourself and feel worth it. Attend to your joy!

Being natural is simply a pose, and the most irritating pose I know.

There have been a lot of changes in recruit training in the past twenty years.

Some men, who begin by saying that the world is a hell, often end by saying that it is a heaven when they succeed in the practice of self-control.