I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

The dance you take with passion and self belief While every step is in rhythm with the honor of your words and the integrity of your daily actions~bns

True champions are team players.

The creation of the UCB Theatre is by far my proudest professional accomplishment.

The so-called conscientiousness of the majority of painters is only perfection applied to the art of boring.

All lawful authority, legislative, and executive, originates from the people.

We call the effort to cultivate our ability to be in the present moment ‘practice’ or ‘meditation practice.’

I think you're where you have to be and I'm not a person who wants to control things too much because I love surprises.

If you are afraid of the sunlight, you ain't a good man!

The Panama Canal was dug with a microscope.

It is no dishonor to be in a minority in the cause of liberty and virtue