I said, "Is there!" I told him there is a Mafia school where they teach them math — if Johnny has ten fingers and they cut off two, how many does he have left?

I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.

Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.

I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.…I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventually produce something positive.

The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that outrageousness can be cleansing and healthy…

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.

Learn to trust yourself and you will create a meaningful life.

Government isn't about religion or signs or symbols… It's about power and control.

No matter what it is, you're going to have the bad days, but if you have hope throughout, you won, no matter what the results, Life is so beautiful.

We don't need a flat tax, but a flattening tax, to truly level the playing field.

For order and a society to exist - and a basketball team is a society within itself - it needs discipline.

In recent times no problem has been more puzzling to thoughtful people than why, in a troubled world, we make such poor use of our affluence.

The old philosophy was that parents, especially mothers, caused their kids to become schizophrenic. Now we see that when a kid is this crazy, he'll make the family begin to seem crazy.

The people who taught really knew their stuff. My chemistry teacher, Frank Wade, was actually a chemist. I was so lucky in a number of ways.

Stop counting crayons, just draw pictures.

Ruby Stevens was determined, ambitious and tough. She had to fend for herself in so many ways as a child and always felt apart, on her own.