I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Rank does not confer privilege or give power. It imposes responsibility.

That was the wonderful thing about New York: Years of bad blood could be wiped out with a single gesture of friendliness.

Divorced from ethics, leadership is reduced to management and politics to mere technique.

The trials on the road to world harmony are no greater than the courage of those who accept the challenge.

That is a very good question. I don't know the answer. But can you tell me the name of a classical Greek shoemaker?

The big will get bigger; the small will get wiped out.

TV tends to try and fit everyone into a TV mold.

Give out some love and you'll find peace sublime.

I’m actually trying to make sense of the world. There’s nothing cynical or absurd in what I do.

The U.S. along with China, Japan, South Korea and Russia has an important role to play in containing North Korea's nuclear ambitions and exerting all the influence we can possibly exert.