I sang a song at my sister's wedding. My mother forced me into that, too. But that one felt all right.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

I like to pay taxes. With them, I buy civilization.

That great Cathedral space which was childhood.

We want to make every single interaction in the world into a ready-to-use brick.

Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

If you think you can't, you're right.

If you have a good product. You don't need to advertise. You've done drugs? Did you ever see them advertised?

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

When a man does not admit that he is an animal, he is less than an animal. Not more but less.

The aster greets us as we pass With her faint smile.

I love you." He frowns. "Say it again." "Tobias," I say. "I love you.