I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If you wish to compare, compare yourself with God's commandment.

I'm not always sincere. One can't be in this world, you know.

When worry is present, trust cannot crowd its way in.

Open your mind and let the universe speak to you

The rich fool is like a pig that is choked by its own fat.

In new written testimony, just out as part Freedom of Information Act request, Hillary Clinton said she couldn't remember, recall, or anything else, key events and key things 21 different times.

We poison our lives with fear of burglary and shipwreck, and, ask anyone, the house is never burgled, and the ship never goes down.

Uncertain ways unsafest are, and doubt a greater mischief than despair.

Master the season's spot-on style with polka dot sweatpants and a must-have denim trench.

I'm attracted to Ferraris and Bentleys, but I don't know if I'll ever have a chance to own one of those.