I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

You can’t get a reaction from someone who doesn’t give a shit.

Me, I'm dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for.

It'll take a smart person with passion over someone with years of experience any day. People with intelligence and passion will get the problem solved, no matter what.

We shouldn't wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available all the time!

"This - is now my way - where is yours"? Thus did I answer those who asked me "the way". For the way - it does not exist!

Health and education are always issues.

Would that be dangerous, to not look while being looked at?

I definitely feel like I'm more of an artist than an athlete. But I'm good at both.

I liked that idea. Someone who's trying to perform herself and not succeeding.

Luxury is the enemy of observation, a costly indulgence that induces such a good feeling that you notice nothing. Luxury spoils and infantilizes you and prevents you from knowing the world.