I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

She cares about fall’s magnificence in the rainThe dipping raindrops' dance assigning thence Indicated rhyme that eases her refrainBefore they met - her paces commence.

Invalid food choices lead to invalid people.

When your family is twice as weird as normal, you have to be twice as polite to authority, because authority hates weird.

Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.

I am a loyal American, and I love my country.

And what if I don't want forgiveness?

Revolution is not the uprising against preexisting order, but the setting up of a new order contradictory to the traditional one

For after my marriage I had made various attempts to write fiction. They were clearly failures.

It is a curious thing that when one speaks from the heart it is invariably in the worst of taste.

Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.