I say, isn't that a shame [a trade with Japan], it's so one-sided.

Nothing is easy, but who wants nothing?

There's nobody bigger or better at the military than I am.

I am the only one who can make America truly great again!

Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war.

Don’t be afraid of being unique. It’s like being afraid of your best self.

I could stand in the middle Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters.

If you're going to be thinking anyway, think big!

Always try to learn from other people's mistakes, not your own- it is much cheaper that way!

Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad.

This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullshit has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps,and our GW scientists are stuck in ice.

Dreams are debris from bad day. Dreams are poems by bad poets that never got written.

Grace is inviting to the unrighteous and threatening to the self-righteous

I don't think it was much of a forum for positive or negative feedback; it was mainly, "How can I make somebody laugh?" It wasn't a serious thing where I needed people to give me feedback.

I'm not irreplaceable ... I'm nothing but grass growing on the ground; when the grass dies, another one replaces it.

People have crushes on priests all the time, you know. It’s exciting to have to deal with God as a rival.

I do think that calling a book nonfiction affirms a kind of responsibility to an attempt at truth.

Taxes are the chief business of a conqueror of the world.

later down the road of life, i made the discovery that salt water was also good for the mental abrasions one inevitably acquires on land.

The thing is, often press people ask questions that are so personal that even your nearest and dearest wouldn't ask them.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. That's why I never apologize to my mirror.