I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences. I cross the board.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

At this point I'm sure he's more plastic than person, but most people who hate wrinkles become Daleks over time, anyway.

She remembered something she overheard at a dinner party -- Everyone loses their mind at least once in this lifetime. Everyone.

Cupid's not the only one with an arrow," I scowled

Man is about to be deprived of a great pole - work routine. The nightmare of capitalist society is unemployment; the nightmare of cybernetic society will be employment.

It is written in the Jewish law book, the Talmud, that only the Jew is human, that Gentiles are only animals.

Goals are not dreamy, pie-in-the-sky ideals. They have every day practical applications and they should be practical.

I cannot articulate enough to express my dislike to people who think that understanding spoils your experience... How would they know?

President Reagan was concerned - deeply concerned, emotionally concerned - with the loss of life of any American, but especially with the lives of military soldiers, Marines, navy.

I'm not unaware of how I'm perceived, I just don't care about it. Unless I really hurt someone's feelings. I care about that.

This is no time to lend money, especially upon bare friendship without security.