I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

The Law of Attraction is a theory. Cosmic Ordering is a practice putting that theory to work.

Leave the world in better conditions in wich you found it.

Even the cry from the depths is an affirmation: why cry if there is no hint of hope of hearing?

You know, I spend most of my life turning things down. There's a lot of crap out there.

I don't feel the pressure by outsiders. I'm not someone who's easily influenced by the public.

Where's evil? It's that large part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on its side.

It seems to me after a fellow has been mutinied against three or four times, there is something to it besides bad luck.

I'll quote the truth wherever I find it thank you.

Once you know what's in your food you can't unlearn it.

L.A. is a kind of a landing place for some people. People are just in and out all the time. People are there for a short time until they get what they need and then they go somewhere else.