I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Betrayal and dishonor is usually an inside job. Keep it 'sucka-free', loved one!

Dance your Soulful path / and you shall know the magic / of your mind & heart / and all the beauty laughing / to fill your rising self.

Passion creates, addiction consumes.

Oh how daily life is. (Ah que la vie est quotidienne.)

America must listen. It must listen to the interests of others. But the US government has no interest in similarities, no matter how obvious.

My New Year's resolution is to cut my diet sodas down to two cans a day!

What are we fighting for? What are we killing for? What do you see when you look into the future?

If you always have something in your life that you're trying to improve upon, then every day you have a reason to get out of bed, and you have a reason to achieve something and feel good.

I'm a Top 40 record guy. I remember the hits and don't remember the flops. Something in my brain blocks them out.

He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting 'All the Gods are bastards.'