I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

It is easier to confront a threat as a mass, a group, not individuals who must be evaluated one by one.

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

What this world needs is a few more Rednecks.

All that once was directly lived has become mere representation.

If the devil starts bringing up your past it's because he's running out of new material!

I have no interest in anyone who wants to criticise me, or doesn't like me despite never having met me.

There is that small chance I’ll get what I want; to be someone to relate to for anyone who is as alienated, awkward, spastic and passionate as me.

I haven't, in the 23 years that I have been in the uniformed services of the United States of America, ever violated an order - not one.

There's one blessing only, the source and cornerstone of beatitude: confidence in self.

Perhaps the spirit of the Everglades was most evident in the unseen, the hidden, the implied.