I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Awaken each day with the expectation that something wonderful is about to happen.

Even more blood welled up and spilled down his arm, splattering onto the ground.“Camille’s carpet, ” Magnus protested.“It’s blood, ” said Will. “She ought to be thrilled.

Owain told me about the beautiful, fair-haired Vesta. It took me several minutes to work out that Vesta was a horse, and that Owain was possibly in love with her.

When none but the wealthy had watches, they were almost all very good ones; few are now made which are worth much, but everybody has one in his pocket.

Here’s to books, the cheapest vacation you can buy.

Talking to people makes me feel like sleeping. Only my ghostly and imaginary friends, only the conversations I have in my dreams, are genuinely real and substantial.

The Labour Party is the sister Party for the Democrats and their progressive views are the ones that we are most aligned with.

In order to lead the orchestra, you must first turn your back to the crowd.

Never violate the sacredness of your individual self-respect. Be true to your own mind and conscience, your heart and your soul. So only can you be true to God.

A Corpse or a Ghost- I'd sooner be one or t'other, square and fair, than a Ghost in a Corpse, which is my feelins at present.