I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

...words can help us to see what is graceful or human where lovelines and humanity seem to fail...

It is a beautiful thing to be on fire for justice… there is no greater joy than inspiring and empowering others––especially the least of these, the precious and priceless wretched of the earth!

I am going to build something big for you.

America's criminal justice system isn't known for rehabilitation. I'm not sure that, as a society, we are even interested in that concept anymore.

A father's a treasure; a brother's a comfort; a friend is both.

What could be said about me...a man to whom only his painting matters? And of course his garden and his flowers as well.

There are three great themes in science in the twentieth century : the atom, the computer, and the gene.

Eventually, I told myself not to expect anything from him, and as a result it has gotten easier for me to take what comes.

An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.

Once you have tasted meditation, it is impossible for you to be in any misery. Bliss becomes inevitable.