I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Whatever am I going to do with that monster, Ryder Davis?”He gave a husky laugh. “I think you could probably just tell it to come now and it would.

Manifesting your dreams into reality becomes easier when your passionate commitment engages your laser focus on success

A billion years or so into eternity, how many toys we accumulated during this life will not seem too terribly important.

Through American history, we have had populist movements that often, often, often have this ugly racial element. But, often, there are warning signs of some deeper social and economic problem.

Wonder is not precisely knowing.

When someone uses the word 'cult,' it usually says more about them than the group

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

If you complain about the world moving too fast, slow down.

I still sing. I don't know if I'm going to sing on 'Glee' or 'New Normal.