I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

From the same window, you keep seeing the same view!

If you've only had one relationship, how do you know you're good in bed?

O God, You've done enough, You've robbed me of enough, I'm too tired and old to learn to love, leave me alone for ever.

The broadest and most prevalent error requires the most disinterested virtue to sustain it.

Next time there’s a ball, ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!

Promise to wear a cheerful appearance at all times and give every person you meet a smile.

I remember getting a Phoenix Suns T-shirt. I had that Phoenix Suns T-shirt forever. It's the funny things you remember as a kid, but it was a blast.

I'm not a downtrodden woman. I just won't be.

Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.

An idle life and a holy heart is a contradiction.