I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

True friends will always push you towards the great possibilities of your future, false friends will always chain you to the mistakes in your past.

As long as we dare dream, we can occupy new land.

Our task shouldn't be punishing the villains in our lives, but enlarging the God who heals us from all wounds.

Driving is boring, " Rabbit pontificates, "but it's what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.

If a woman did not work and have the opportunity to save and invest on her own throughout her lifetime, she is often totally reliant on her family and Social Security for her retirement years.

Everybody who's played Marilyn Monroe before has gone down in flames. It's impossible to capture Marilyn Monroe.

A prolonged war in which a nation takes part is bound to impoverish the breed, since the character of the breed depends on the men who are left.

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

Community colleges are certainly one of America's best-kept secrets.

I worry about you Bev. I worry a lot.