I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Having two non-functional parties is not a democracy, it's a losing coin flip.

If you think back over your experiences, the chances are that you will find the finest moments in your life were those when you completely forgot yourself.

Opinion has a significance proportioned to the sources that sustain it.

Who can sleep on the night that God became man?

I feel like my best work is in front of me. I'm in the studio now, and I'm having an amazing time making this new album. It's something I can't help.

I went through a huge transition in my life where everything and everyone I knew and trusted didn't turn out to be that way.

Remain dignified, dress well, be good to other people and you’ll be fine.

If you look back today over the last 25 years, it is a fact that we have had a progressive degeneration of our intelligence community in general; in particular in the field of human intelligence.

To play a role where you get to reveal intellectual change is wonderful.

Pin your faith to no ones sleeves, haven't you two eyes of your own.