I smoke really good cigars, I don't smoke Cuban cigars. I would never do anything as Un-American as smoke a decent cigar.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

You can't fix stupid.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

Mama always said barefoot and pregnant was not my style. She knew.

I had a .200 lifetime batting average in the major leagues, which tied me with another sports great averaging 200 or better for a ten-year period: Don Carter, one of our top bowlers.

Nationalism is like cheap alcohol. First it makes you drunk, then it makes you blind, then it kills you.

Real dialogue is where two or more people become willing to suspend their certainty in each other's presence.

You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.

One foole makes a hundred.

Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

The time when you need to do something is when people are saying it can't be done.

Focusing on ourselves will never reveal our life's purpose.

The spiritual path is one of falling on your face, getting up, brushing yourself off, turning and looking sheepishly at God and then taking the next step.