I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

Most people live out ordinary lives by denying death. Others live more completely because they’re aware of it. I choose the second group.

It isn't all over

Love risk when making money. Hate risk when investing money.

No man is a hero to his own wife no woman is a wife to her own hero.

We can get this done! Take a vote, and send me that bill.

The flying? I'm not worried about it. I'm safe up there. I feel very comfortable with my abilities flying an airplane.

When I'm in the country with all of the kids around and cooking, that's when I'm most relaxed. When I'm in the country I like to cook.

I think most models, when they start out, are insecure. And you become the focus of a lot of people's attention, so outside validation becomes too important.

The world is full of people who would like nothing better than to spend six hours on a golf course. I would rather be chopping shallots.

When I first came in the league, a lot of people were surprised by my knowledge about the history of the game.