I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

I like life. It's something to do.

It's ok to be a fool once or twice but never let it be a third time. Be smart and pretend to be a fool and at the end of the hunt make sure you're the one that has the gun.

Those with traditional sense will follow what their heart tells them is right.

We as humans tend to overlook lesser beings and things, but we should instead come to love and respect them.

If one bite fills you, you don't need two.

People go into politics because they want the affirmation, and they want the applause.

A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul.

Asking people for money is giving them the opportunity to put their resources at the disposal of the Kingdom.

True rebels after all, are as rare as true lovers,and in both cases, to mistake a fever for passion can destroy one's life

I wanna be loved by you, just you, nobody else but you.

Wisdom always makes men fortunate: for by wisdom no man could ever err, and therefore he must act rightly and succeed, or his wisdom would be wisdom no longer.