I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

As to science, we may well define it for our purpose as "methodical thinking directed toward finding regulative connections between our sensual experiences".

When you're in business, if you have some sort of gimmick it's a huge advantage.

I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I'm doing the best I can.

In whatever God does in the course of our lives, he gives us, through the experience, some power to help others.

I am not the first person to give birth naturally. Billions of other women have come before me and have done this - so why can't I do it?

I love to work. You want to talk about natural highs? There's nothing like it.

Blatant attempts to attack a constitutionally guaranteed right and a law-abiding industry.

I've always loved... actually I didn't always love horror films. I started out and I only liked comedies and dramas.

I have a lion inside me, and I had to feed it words every few days; when I don't, it begins to eat me instead.

Bass players are always the intellectual kind, but nobody knows it.