I store away my experiences and don't feel really happy until I've found a way to write about them.

In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.

Anyone can write one book: even politicians do it. Starting a second book reveals an intention to be a professional writer.

Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Well socialism is exactly the reverse.

Progress is man's indifference to the lessons of history.

Do you ever make silly mistakes? It is one of my very few creative activities.

Writers are frequently asked why they wrote their first book. A more interesting answer might come from asking them why they wrote their second one.

The tragedy of marriage is that while all women marry thinking that their man will change, all men marry believing their wife will never change.

When old men decided to barter young men for pride and profit, the transaction was called war.

Whatever path you take, there is a league of bad road.

I think the reason working-class people don't write books is because they are encouraged to believe that only certain people are permitted to write books.

I don’t see any dearth of women leaders, it’s a question of what we consider a woman leader.

He was willing to pay her to hang around his house and paint Piper's fingernails? It sounded as easy as Britney Spears.

Those who cultivate moral confusion for profit should understand this: we will name their names and shame them as they deserve to be shamed.

Elbows are never put on the table while one is eating.

Place an object within your view, hopefully at about eye level. You might have to look down a little bit. Some people have a meditation table on which they put an object of concentration on.

God does not need our money. But you and I need the experience of giving it

I think it's an urgent plea for us all to sit down together.

Every time I go to the dentist they say, 'You really need to fix that gap of yours'. I'm like, 'My gap is paying your dentist bills.'

Applaud my friends, the comedy is over... [on his death bed]

May I forget what ought to be forgotten; and recall, unfailing, all that ought to be recalled, each kindly thing, forgetting what might sting.