I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

If a man could have half of his wishes, he would double his troubles.

For the most part things never get built the way they were drawn.

I have come to the conclusion that the most important element in human life is faith.

The world was a cruder, more vulgar place than the one I had known. This was the language required to live in it, I supposed.

The angels may have wider spheres of action, may have nobler forms of duty; but right with them and with us is one and the same thing.

It's not about me - it's like, "How can I help you?" And when you give like that, you receive so much. It was an incredible experience, but it also gave me that bug: I wanted new music so badly.

I've taught myself how to use good, fresh ingredients and to prepare them as simply as possible by cooking only to enhance their intrinsic flavors.

Racist people are few, in the minority. But you can do nothing to change them. You can talk, you can do what you want, but you can't do anything because they are just stupid people.

I'm much more self-conscious clothed than unclothed. I'm a frustrated Page Three girl. I have no shame about my body.

I'm very easy to see on the podium because everyone else is small!