I suppose I can do more for a script as an actor than as a writer - in the film sense.

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.

My whole career strategy has been to build a base so that I could take the roles I want to play. I'd hate to think that a shorter part might not be available because I was worried about my billing.

I'm Irish. I think about death all the time.

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.

The minute that you're not learning I believe you're dead.

Human beings are always going to find interesting ways of making a mess of their lives. It's human nature.

I don't think many people have a very good understanding of leisure and the importance it plays in our lives.

Men dominate because of physicality, and thus they have mercy where women do not.

The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.

We are all a whole bunch of accidental products.

I can't believe I'm here, sitting with all my friends.There's No-one!And there's Nobody!My only two, and best true friends.

God created man and then woman but the atheist created himself.

I could learn how to press 'Record' on a tape recorder and write for a newspaper or a magazine.

You can judge a country by the way it treats its prisoners, and you can always judge a show by the way it treats people coming on to do these guest shots.

I think change is always scary but also always good.

I don't keer w'at you do wid me, Brer Fox,' sezee, 'so you don't fling me in dat brier-patch. Roas' me, Brer Fox' sezee, 'but don't fling me in dat brier-patch,' sezee.

Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.

The process depends on the situation, and I don't think there are any two songs that have gone exactly the same way... well, actually, that's not true.