I suppose there are a lot of people who'd kill to have my career, but I still feel like a fan.

I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up.

The best thing to do, if you really want to be good, is drink vodka all day, from the second you get up to the second they say, "Cut!"

I was a terrible actor, and that's why I got the job: I would allow myself to be so bad that I lowered and got down to WWF standards.

I don't know: Why aren't people fascinated by air traffic controllers?

Why focus on what somebody might think? Nobody talks [on TV] like people really talk most of the time.

I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. And when I started having kids, that doesn't work with kids. Kids don't understand sarcasm, and they certainly don't understand my humor.

I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin.

I can't emphasize the immediate panic that would set in when I had to audition. I can't believe I did it.

I just don't feel like part of the fraternity of actors. I do geek out. All the time.

I got all of my out-of-work time done in the years when I first came to L.A.!

Finding beauty in the common is the sign of a gifted mind.

Our thoughts are private to protect others not ourselves. People don't have the ability to handle what you really think about them

Remember, what goes around comes around, if you give out venom, sooner or later it will come back to poison you

Our worst misfortunes never happen, and most miseries lie in anticipation.

We imagine always when we speak that it is our own ears, our own mind, that are listening.

Bloom where you are planted.

Those who write against vanity want the glory of having written well, and their readers the glory of reading well, and I who write this have the same desire, as perhaps those who read this have also.

Art is a great means of self-discovery. One of the things that appealed to me in the beginning was that it was a great way to get girlfriends.

In things a moderation keep; Kings ought to shear, not skin, their sheep.

I like to juggle with one ball at a time. Then I put the ball down and do nothing for extended periods of time.