I suppose we all have a lil' inner or outer a-hole inside of us, just waiting for the right opportunity to rear their own beautiful buttholes.

For the most part, people don't know who I am.

I’m sort of known in the comedy community as “Smooth Sailing,” just ’cause everything always goes great. I’ve always had success at every turn.

What one person might see as violent, someone else may see as beautiful. Maybe even art.

Changing the world, one exclamation point at a time.

I didn't necessarily set out to think of a show to make fun of reality shows.

For me, it feels like my ideas are more specific to random thoughts or single ideas I might have, as opposed to being influenced by a general perception of absurdity.

There were plenty of times some writers would make some kind of stupid joke to each other and then it was on TV that night or that week.

Ground the main character in stupidity. Hire a good cast and a good crew.

It's always been about when I do theater, the audience is just a viewer, not taking part in what's onstage. Whereas if you're doing stand-up, it's inclusive.

If you're doing stand-up, there is no fourth wall; you're engaging an audience.

Time is one of the most important components of life

People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves.

Selfish people tend to only be good to themselves... then are surprised when they are alone.

Both humanity's capacity to innovate and the incentives to innovate are greater today than at any other time in history.

Order doesn't come by itself.

God is just waiting for you to turn your face back toward Him. You've not gone too far!

If you don't read, I don't know how to communicate with you...I can never express who I am in my own words as powerfully as my books can.

Fear is the reason for making art. It is a means to freedom.

To explain why a man slipped on a banana peel, we do not need a general theory of slipping.

There was so much that you could do, instead of looking for things that you couldn't do.