I suspect that I am the result of particularly weak conception on the part of my father. His sperm was probably emitted in a rather offhand manner.

you can always tell employees of the government by the total vacancy which occupies the space where most other people have faces.

Having once been so high, humanity fell so low. What had once been dedicated to the soul was now dedicated to the sale.

I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.

You could tell by the way he talked, though, that he had gone to school a long time. That was probably what was wrong with him.

Oh, Fortuna, blind, heedless goddess, I am strapped to your wheel,' Ignatius belched, 'Do not crush me beneath your spokes. Raise me on high, divinity.

Apparently I lack some particular perversion which today's employer is seeking.

with the breakdown of the medieval system, the gods of chaos, lunacy, and bad taste gained ascendancy.

Stop!' I cried imploringly to my god-like mind.

This liberal doxy must be impaled upon the member of a particularly large stallion.

Jail was preferable. There they only limited you physically. In a mental ward they tampered with your soul and worldview and mind.

There are only a few things that are more entertaining than watching a cat trying to run across a freshly waxed wood floor after a ball.

To survive the day is triumph enough for the walking wounded among the great many of us.

On Belle de Jour, the producer was very protective. It was very hard for me.

The reality of art is disclosed only in experience, not in reflection upon experience.

never trust a man who wears a pinkie ring. . . the only jewelry a guy should wear is a wedding band or a super bowl ring

Every step of life shows much caution is required.

I am from the inner city, the ghetto. If I can use my platform to carry on a legacy and talk about something that's real, I have to do that, period.

The kinds of errors that cause plane crashes are invariably errors of teamwork and communication.

There must be provision for the child to have contact with nature; to understand and appreciate the order, the harmony and the beauty in nature.

Global warming has taken the place of Communism as an absurdity that 'liberals' will defend to the death regardless of the evidence showing its folly.