I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.

The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.

The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them

You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.

I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.

Beauty, my first girlfriend said to me, is that inner quality often associated with great amounts of leisure time.

Tomorrow is yesterday’s excuse for today

Dream about things that envelop your being like a comfortable blanket.

It's easy to write one's memoirs when one has a terrible memory.

If you do something that's really original, you discover why everybody else does it the other way, usually. There's a reason cliches exist, 'cause they work.

The person who believes he must earn the right to go through the door of eternal life will miss the mark.

The inadequacy of the purely purpose-oriented form is revealed for what it is-a monotonous, impoverished boring practicality.

Explanation changes whatever is explained into something explainable.

I can't sit through the superhero films. But I watched Draft Day, and it was kind of sweet in an old-fashioned way.