I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

A willing spirit is divine-being.

There is one habit one should not grow out of -that is Being A Child at Heart .

I want to live for something. I don't want to live to get charity food to give me enough strength to go back to get more charity food.

Movies, obviously, are a little more lucrative. The initial paycheck is better.

I think if you maintain a force in the world that comes into people's sleep, you are exercising a meaningful power.

You can call me a lot of things, but you can't call me complacent!

Our bodies are home to trillions of microbes, and these creatures define who we are.

The need for a global structure of control in the form of a world environment court is now more urgent than ever before.

No one can speak well, unless he thoroughly understands his subject.

The heroes of literary history have been no less remarkable for what they have suffered than for what they have achieved.