I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

The night sky is only a sort of carbon paper, Blueblack, with the much-poked periods of starsLetting in the light, peephole after peephole--- A bonewhite light, like death, behind all things.

I watched life and death unfold like a dance on the side of that road. My son was born with a bloodstained face and he died with blood from the accident covering that same face.

He'd made a decision today that he wasn't letting her push him out of his life again.

Alas! he is cold, he cannot answer me.

It is money, money, money! Not ideas, not principles, but money that reigns supreme in American politics.

I would like to make it known, on this program, loud and clear, that I would absolutely embrace with all five of my arms being a Bond villain.

All those rumors about her being underweight are trash. She's [Calista Flockhart] gorgeous.

I spill water on myself all the time at nice restaurants. I've run into poles and knocked myself out.

If I didn't love the hourglass, I wouldn't love myself.

Acting is fun. Don't let that get around.