I tend to sit around with my friends a lot and rant and rave about things I think are ridiculous in the world, and I tend to make fun of myself a lot.

Everyone knows that senior citizens are stupid

I considered myself a professional comedian because the club would pay me $20.

I tend to find comedy in dark places. I also tend to find comedy in taking on the status quo - which has always been something I find important.

I had a real passion for performing. I craved the attention. I was a goofy kid just like I am a goofy adult. So as soon as I got the bug of getting laughs and getting on stage I just couldn't stop.

We all borrow and steal and copy from each other, and that's the way I think people get inspired.

I'm no more a lawbreaker than they are , and if they were lawbreakers for keeping God's commandments, they're my example.

Whenever I do something I tend to focus on it and spend all of my time and energy on it.

I think I always enjoyed the energy of a crowd, of being onstage. It started when I was even younger doing public speaking at school and just kept going from there.

It's hard to have any moral authority over a group of drunken college students when you have never had a beer and never been laid.

It's such a huge endeavor putting a full movie together, especially an independent movie. I tend to kind of do them when they come my way more than something than I go out and actively pursue.

Sweet forgiveness!!

The only thing you absolutely have to know, is the location of the library.

I'm constantly exposing myself to art and that inspires me.

Every grown-up man consists wholly of habits, although he is often unaware of it and even denies having any habits at all.

If somebody has a question, they only have to ask one of us because we share a brain. We seriously have never said something different than the other one.

You are going to hear how he [Donald Trump] is going to address the 11 million, and some other issues as well, including sanctuary cities.

If the Emancipation Proclamation was authentic, you wouldn't have a race problem.

I have had an inordinate and painful concern for the audience in my writing career.

The more people that are out of work, the better for the Democrat Party. I know you might snicker at that, but it's the damn truth.

If you fear nothing, you love nothing. If you love nothing, what joy can there be in life?