I think ABC sort of hoped I would be really like Carol Burnett. I mean literally, I think.

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.

If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'

If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!

Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.

He's never known anything like it! But then, he has never known anything to write home about, so this is nothing to write home about.

I was going to middle school in Berkley, and I did not fit in at all. Like a lot of kids, I found theater to be a good place for me.

If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I'll tell you what you are.

But you don't hire Ang Lee to do a typical children's movie. But it's such an interesting combination, whoever thought of getting Ang together with a comic book, that was just great.

I love movies, I love being a part of them, and this is the one occupation I love living and playing in and stressing myself out over.

I'm the comedic girl next door and a lot of fun.

I do not deny the allegation, I deny the allegator.

The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up.

You never win any games you don't play.