I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

I said hello to the poodle.

We will either find a way, or make one.

If you can't explain it better leave it... (Dexter Season 2....)

Good roles are hard to come by, and whether they're a few lines or a lead, you snap 'em up when they come along

I was shot down by a fifth ball, which struck me squarely in the face, and passed out.

I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.

I think there's so many things happening, whether it's gender inequality or immigration, there's just so many issues happening around the world where not doing anything makes you guilty.

The animals have no need for speech, why talk when you are a word.

Artists teach critics what to think. Critics repeat what the artists teach them.

When people say money doesn't matter, it sure as hell does when you're able to show your mother a beach house and then hand her the keys to it. That was one of the happiest moments of my life.