I think Donald Trump and Jeb Bush are the frontrunners. It's kind of like the race between the tortoise and the bad hair.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Always stick to the story. It was when you started backtracking that people got in trouble. Interrogation 101.

silence was never lost, she just had to stop screaming long enough to hear it:.

Human beings have neither kindness, nor faith, nor charity beyond what serves to increase the pleasure of the moment.

You are going to be what you put in your body, so I try to teach that to my kids, and the kids around me.

It's very nice having my mum as my agent. You know that she's always doing what's best for you.

What a fool he must be who thinks that his El Dorado is anywhere but where he lives.

Contemporary bands often will do tour-only releases pressed and sold only in Australia. Crikey!

I think I'm right-brained, incapable of managing my way out of a brown paper bag.

Hope died as I was led unto my marriage bed.

Since you got here by not thinking, it seems reasonable to expect that, in order to get out, you must start thinking.