I think Hillary Clinton's style is perfect. Perfect. You don't notice what she's wearing, you notice the woman.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Friendship is love as much as any romance. And like any love, it’s difficult and treacherous and confusing. But in the moment when your knees touch, there’s nothing else you could ever want.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to rank the people in your life. That's not how the heart worked. The heart didn't make lists.

Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first time or the last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.

It is not the money but the self-respect and wanting to create good music.

Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it's this new arts channel, it's really great.

Ego is constantly attempting to acquire and apply the teachings of spirituality for its own benefit.

Sometimes my art is just an illusion - or is it?

Educated folk keep to one another's company too much, leaving other people much like milk skimmed of its cream.

A name means a lot just by itself.

I think Donald Trump is now kind of in love with the idea of becoming president of the United States. I think he truly does believe that he can be the Republican nominee.