I think I’ll just go take a shower,” I said. It wasn’t until Samuel stiffened that I remembered I’d just come out of the shower. So much for playing normal.

Some people are like Slinkies.They aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to my face when I push them down a flight of stairs.

Evil must always be fought.

My will broke at the sound of his voice, and my head turned with as much inevitability as a sunflower turning its face to the sun.

A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn't mean in winter.

The only certainty life contains is death.

It is one of those lessons that every child should learn: Don't play with fire, sharp objects, or ancient artifacts.

When life doesn't meet your expectations, it was important to take it with grace.

If it looks like a hallway, feels like a hallway, and acts like a hallway—is it important to figure out that it isn’t a hallway?

Usually the people I do know are sufficient to spawn any number of nightmares without inventing any.

Anger is stupid, and stupidity will kill you more surely than your opponent's blade.

Give a genius enough time and opportunity, and his idiocy will come shining through.

For existential mathematics, which does not exist, would probably propose this equation: the value of coincidence equals the degree of its improbability.

I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high.

We must put an end to both economic freeloading and economic exploitation in America. There must be no place for parasites who draw their sustenance from society without giving anything in return.

I find a fascination, like the fascination for the moth of a star, in those who hold aloof and disdain me.

Life is more about the journey than the destination

The one sure mark of a con, though, is the promise of free money.

If I wasn't in the theater, I would be a hermit.

If enough Americans determine I could do a better job in public office, and Mrs. Nugent and my beloved family agree, there is no limit what I am willing to do for my country.

I do not know much about politics, but I am trying to do the best I can with this administration until the time shall come for me to turn it over to somebody else.