I think I sent out some résumés for marketing jobs, and they all came back in the mail because I didn't have enough postage.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off!

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

We owe it to each other to tell stories.

Life is mostly an exercise in being something other than what we used to be while remaining fundamentally — and sometimes maddeningly — who we are.

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options.

I was a typical kid. I dug holes in the yard, threw rocks, had plum battles with the neighbours and used trash can lids as shields. I was always outside getting dirty.

I don't think all life is precious. I know people say that all the time, "Life is precious." I think some life is precious, and some life is just a waste of protoplasm. Start over.

... when we are hurt it is important to remember that God Himself has allowed it for a purpose.

I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.

I had a TV show called 'The Apprentice' and it's one of the most successful reality shows in the history of television. And now I'm doing something else.

No one can live in the light all the time.

No, in country money, the country scale of gain, The requisite lift of spirit has never been found.