I think I still get something from the original broadcaster but I'm certainly not aware of any Netflix van driving to my house and unloading a load of cash into my front yard.

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

My mother was informing me, by mail, that she was about to die, and would never see me again.

Life no longer felt meaningless. It felt stressful and terrifying, but it definitely didn't feel meaningless.

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us but for ours to amuse them.

In a way, fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb.

The only way to escape the personal corruption of praise is to go on working. One is tempted to stop and listen to it. The only thing is to turn away and go on working. Work. There is nothing else.

We are planes, trains, and automobiles, and we're always hauling stuff up these tiny cobblestone streets, so the more mobile you are, the better.

People can't believe how hard I work.... I love it. I think it just runs through my veins. My great-grandfather was a bellboy and had a dream to do a hotel chain, so I think I get it from him.

The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out... and do it.

Just call in at the torturer on your way out. See when he can fit you in.

Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music.