I think Mr. Wilson will have to be the rest of the way alone.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Violence is a tool of the ignorant.

Funny is an attitude.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.

My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

Art is our endless desire to turn the mortal things into the immortal things!

Even the most terrible beginnings can turn into beautiful endings when the direction is changed.

If life is what you make it, the building blocks are your desire and your passion.

Never go anywhere you have to wear brown shoes.

So you see, when war comes to one’s village, one’s doorstep, it isn’t tragic and impersonal any longer. It is just an excuse to vomit private hatred. That is why I am not a great patriot.

As a youngster, I played in Little League, Pony League, and all sorts of amateur baseball programs growing up.

What mankind needs today is liberation from the rule of nonsensical slogans and a return to sound reasoning.

I like my shadow; it reminds me that I exist.

When people give away stocks based on forced selling or fear that is usually a great opportunity.